With A Grateful Heart

This thanksgiving is very opposite of last year. Last year I had my baby Averie growing inside of me while my husband was thousands of miles across the world in a war zone. This year my Averie is gone but my husband is here with me and the war that is going on is inside of my soul. I have thought long and hard about how to tackle the pain of the holidays without our little girl. I knew one thing, she would want us to be happy so I knew that’s where I would start. One of the ways I make myself happy is writing down all the things I am grateful for. With thanksgiving approaching it seemed only fitting. 

I’m am so grateful for: My loving husband who supports me and loves me entirely even when I know I don’t deserve it, Averie; for allowing me to be her mother and feel the meaning of unconditional love, my fur baby Pistol for filling my arms when they felt so empty and being my side kick through and through, my mom and dad who not only gave me life, but raised me in a loving environment and gave me a bunch of best friends…my siblings, my family which is also Zachs family (as well as the ones that aren’t blood and you know who you are 😊) ; this huge group of people have been so supportive and loving through so many times in our lives and I love each and everyone one of them, my job and working with two of my best friends; each day is rewarding seeing all the hard work we do even when we bug each other at times we always still love each other, our friends here at drum; you guys have been our saving grace and I cherish your friendship so much. I am also so thankful for health, a roof over our head even if it’s falling apart, food in the fridge and clothes on our back. 

I lost one of the biggest pieces of myself this year and I know that I will never be the same because of it. I refuse to forget all the other amazing people and things in my life because of a hardened heart. I know Averie wouldn’t want that for me nor do I want that for myself. This thanksgiving a part of my heart is missing and I do not have everything I want because I do not have her. I can say though, that my heart is full of gratitude and considering what we’ve been through this last year, that’s huge 😊❤️❤️