It’s hard to believe time has flown by so quickly the last 3 weeks. Despite the sleepless nights and walking around like a zombie a lot of the time, we’ve made it here, and I couldn’t be more happier.
Isabella spent 5 days in the NICU and we were able to bring her home on the 3rd of November. Every nurse there was amazing and so great with our little girl. I was discharged on Wednesday but the staff was awesome and put us up in one of the rooms they had for families so we wouldn’t have to go far. I was feeding her every 3 hours and pumping afterwards so it made it nice to stay close. A few people have asked how hard it was to have her in the NICU. Of course it wasn’t easy and towards the end it was just exhausting but honestly I never thought anything negative of it because at least she was alive and progressing amazingly.
Since being home I find myself a lot of the time just staring at our tiny little miracle. And tiny she most defiantly is. She finally hit her birth weight just over two weeks old and now sits at a whopping 5 lbs. I love staring at this little one because I get to take in every feature of hers, every funny face she pulls, every noise she makes. I have been trying to mindfully enjoy every moment with her. I’ll find myself just smiling down at her, completely blown away that she is here and she is ours. We like to say she’s a little diva but she’s our little diva, and though she may act like one, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Most people worry their rainbows will resemble their angels. I had a very strong feeling Isabella would look like Averie and she does, and I absolutely love it. She of course is her own person but is it selfish of me to think when she grows it gives me a glimpse into what Averie would have been like had she been here?
I will admit there are some times it’s hard to see Averie in her. There are moments that Izz is sleeping that trigger that familiar look of Averie when we were saying goodbye to her which usually triggers the tears. I cry a lot for Averie lately. I expected to have many emotions, and just like losing her or pregnancy after loss I didn’t know what to expect. New emotions with each new experience and all I can do is take them as they come.
Isabella is named after two great great grandmas on both sides and her sister. Some may find it strange that we gave her her sisters name as her middle name. Our intention in doing that was to give her a connection to her sister. Something, when she is older, that she can hopefully be proud of. I want Averie to inspire Isabella just as she inspires us.
So far Izz has been to the doctor 4 times already and each time the doctors are pleased with her progress. She doesn’t have a noticeable goiter which is great but she does have to take medicine to combat those awful antibodies of mine that are still in her system. She’s had to have her blood drawn a few times and this is my least favorite thing. She hates it and the last two times we’ve had it done they’ve not gotten enough blood so we had to go back and then they took blood from both arms. Listening to her screams and seeing her so upset gets to me every time. After it’s done I find myself holding her and telling her how sorry I am since it’s my fault she’s going through all of this.
Yesterday I attempted to take some pictures of her out in our back yard with the fall leaves but she was NOT happy. She was only happy in Daddy’s arms so I snapped these instead and I’m so glad I did. I can’t stop looking at these pictures because they make me so happy. I like to believe the light coming through the trees is Averie. She’s shining down on all of us sending us love and hope ❤️