Yesterday morning Isabella gave me her first real goo and smile. I started to cry. She’s been giving us half smiles for a few weeks but this particular morning was the real deal. When Averie passed away I promised myself and her, that I would be more aware of life, more thankful for the special moments, more mindful. It wasn’t until this moment that I realized I’ve kept my promise to her and myself.
I wonder, had Averie lived, if I would have cried with her first smile? Would I have taken in every moment with her or taken it for granted? I try not to dwell to much on these questions that I will sadly never have answers for but it’s hard not to question and wonder.
Life is fleeting. Those that have lost someone know this all to well. Most people spend their lives looking towards the next best thing, thinking “we won’t be happy until”, just wishing their lives away. Sadly it took the passing of Averie to understand this and to commit to not living this way.
All of us that have lost our babies, have those sacred moments we had with our little angels. The moment we realized we were pregnant, our first ultrasounds, the first kicks, the moment we stared down at their faces with so much love, and the time spent with them saying our goodbyes. Moments burned into our memories until the end of time.