Orange hair, mouth pain and tomorrow is February 😞

January is over as of tonight at midnight and with that I am leaving a few things behind and holding my breath as we enter the month of February. 

Orange hair. Yeah I had it and it’s nothing I’m proud of. Apparently the water up here is so full of minerals and it causes things to turn rust colored. You would think since the sinks, toilets, and showers all turned that color I would have put two and two together. I didn’t. My incredibly sweet new hairdresser had to point it out to me. In an attempt to save money I tried bleaching my hair twice and twice it didn’t turn out because the orange wouldn’t fade. Due to a generous early birthday gift (you know who you are ❀) I was able to go get my hair done at the salon. It’s been almost 2 years since I had my hair professionally done. I had it done days after losing Averie for my birthday and the girl did a horrible job. I never wrote about it at the time but the sweet girl was chop happy. I told her to just give me a trim and it ended up being crooked and way shorter then I wanted. Needless to say I went home and cried and pulled at my hair hoping that I could stretch it longer. Since then I’ve attempted doing it myself and sometimes it’s worked out lately not so much since I decided to go back blonde. That’s when the orange thing happened. Last Saturday I got it done and I’m happy to say I am orange free, for now. 

My mouth pain has been a PAIN quite literally. I had two crowns done at the end of December and since then have had consistent pain. My bite was adjusted twice and twice I went home only to still be in pain. I survived on ibuprofen but feared for my kidneys after a month of using them. Feeling desperate I decided to do a castor oil pack on my face. If you don’t know me I’m sort of obsessed with castor oil and all the amazing things it does. I did the pack 20 min each day for just two days. I woke up last Friday and had no pain and hadn’t taken any medicine in over 24 hours. Even still, almost a week later, I’m in no pain AND can actually chew on the side with the crowns. Thank you castor oil! 

Now I can focus on February. February is such a bitter sweet month. Averie’s 2nd Birthday is coming up and I’m joyfully turning one year older just 6 days later. I’m excited to be able to honor my little girl and celebrate her but I would be lying to say it doesn’t hurt knowing we have to celebrate another birthday without our girl. 

I recently told Zach I wanted to look at the pictures that a photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep took. He seemed surprised because I’ve been avoiding looking at them since we received them. I couldn’t and still haven’t mustered up the strength to look at pictures of us falling to pieces while our daughter takes her last breath. The thought of it still scares me but I keep thinking about them. We we see if I can muster up the strength. 

Here we go February, let’s do this. 

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  1. Ashley Allred

    February 1, 2017 at 10:20 am

    I absolutely love your hair you are gorgeous!!! And I wish I was there with you while looking through the pictures 😞 You can do this!!! Love you!!

    1. Crystal S

      February 1, 2017 at 2:27 pm

      Thanks Ash I love you too and sooo wish you were here. If I start thinking of looking at them I get really scared. I can do this can’t I?

      1. Ashley Allred

        February 1, 2017 at 2:30 pm

        Oh I know you can! You will feel completely relieved once you finish. Don’t let your thoughts get to you…just do it! You are the strongest woman I know!

  2. Randi

    February 1, 2017 at 11:28 pm

    ((Hugs)) momma! I’m dealing with orange colored hair too!!! I’m trying to keep it at bay with my purple shampoos and conditioners but it’s just not enough. I want to go back to platinum-ish but I’m scared!

    Also, if you need a pep talk about the photos, I’m here. I rarely look at mine, and honestly I couldn’t look at them except immediately when I got them. Then, they sat for months and months. Just recently I was able to look at them.
    It’s just not her; it’s not my girl the way I remember her. I’m thankful for the photos but my favorite was taken minutes after her birth by my husband.

    February. Ugh. Already.

    1. Crystal S

      February 2, 2017 at 11:50 am

      Thank you Randi ❀ The orange struggle is real! That’s what I just did with my hair try to go platinum. Didn’t turn out the way I wanted because of the orange. Now I’m scared to wash it 😬 I guess they have hard water treatments you can do but I’m sure you already know about that! I defiantly need a pep talk for the photos. Every time it pops up in my mind I get scared and think I can go another year without looking at them. Like you said it’s not how I remember her or want to remember her. Those are the moments I’ve blocked out because of how traumatic they were. Are you glad that you looked at yours? Maybe I need to just do it, rip it off like a bandaid. I’m so torn 😞

  3. Brianna

    February 2, 2017 at 3:47 pm

    Everyone is ready to look at their NILMDTS pictures at different times. I remember one time, after Oscar and Bella were born but before we got our pictures. My husband and I had ventured out in public and were getting ice cream. A song came on in the restaurant and part of the lyrics referenced lips. I started crying, as I couldn’t remember what Bella’s lips looked like. As soon as we got our disc from our photographer, we looked at all the pictures. We had their pictures set up on a computer and rotating at their memorial service. But, I also know people, like you, that are years out and not ready to look at them. You will look at them when the time is right for you.

    1. Crystal S

      February 2, 2017 at 4:56 pm

      Thanks Brianna! I’m thankful for the hospital because they took some great photos of our girl after she had passed and those are the ones I have everywhere. I think the fear comes because the when the NILMDTS was taking photos was during our goodbye after she had been unhooked from her oxygen. That moment I had to block out for a long time because of how intense the pain was, seeing her gasp for air. Still hurts to even type this. Thinking of revisiting that is where my hesitation comes in. I guess I start to question if I’ll ever be ready to revisit that moment. Thanks so much for being so understanding ❀

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