Honoring Loss Moms – Kayla’s Story

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I originally connected with this beautiful Momma on Instagram, where sadly, there is a huge community of loss Mom’s. I have found that there is beauty beyond our tragedies and it comes in the connection and support that us loss Mom’s share and give each other. We are forever tied together by the horrible reality of losing our children. Most of us are strangers, never having met in real life, but it feels as if we are sisters, bonded by our losses. Kayla is an amazing Mom. Join me in honoring this beautiful Momma.

Name – Kayla D’Andrea

Angel baby name – Madison Belle

Type of loss – Perinatal (27 hours after delivery)

Home state – Massachusetts

Best advice you’ve received – “Talk about your daughter”. And I do. All the time. It’s helped me cope, and as many tears as it may bring, it brings smiles as well. This is also the advice I would give to anyone trying to console a grieving parent. Let them know their child was here, and will be remembered always. They don’t want to hear “Don’t worry you can try again”

Favorite place you’ve ever visited – Ireland

Biggest accomplishment – Madison (& that answer will never change)

Ways you honor your angel – Every day we visit her resting place, talk about her, and gaze at pictures of her beautiful face. We plan on celebrating her birthday every year, and including her in every holiday, forever.

Describe yourself in 4 words – Caring, Generous, Kind & Strong

What food you’ve never tried and why – Anchovies !! … Does not need an explanation… yuck!

What inspires you – Two things. 1) Love. I believe in love more than ever before. The love I felt for our daughter is everlasting, and the love that me and my husband share is unbreakable. It can get you through anything. 2) Strong mothers and fathers who get up in the morning, grieve silently every day, and continue to honor their angels so beautifully.

Our Story

 Our beautiful baby girl Madison Belle came into this world on January 3rd, 2017, to sadly leave us a mere 26 hours later.

I had a perfect 39 week pregnancy, one that most mothers dream of. Full of beautiful ultrasounds, perfect paced heartbeats, and forceful baby kicks along the way. I was often told “everything is perfect”. When my husband worked nights at his restaurant, I would enjoy my time alone with her. I knew she was going to be my new best friend. We were so excited to meet her, and hold her in our arms. But after hours in labor, in seconds our whole world changed forever. No words can explain the horror my husband and I went through, when we didn’t hear our Maddie cry, as she was delivered. My husband crouched down next to me the entire surgery, looking in my eyes, then he stayed with me behind the curtain, almost afraid to face the reality, that something was wrong. Well, she was absolutely perfect. Beautiful and pink in color. She had a strong heartbeat, which gave us hope, but couldn’t breathe on her own. The NICU team at the Boston Children’s Hospital did everything they could, but she had lost too much oxygen leading up to labor, and suffered extreme brain damage. She died peacefully in our arms 27 hours later. Our arms held an angel.

I usually have an awful memory, but I can remember every small thing that happened… from the time my water broke , to my husband bringing me lunch before I was induced, to the excruciating contractions, the not so horrifying epidural, and to the time of leaving that hospital. Which was one of the biggest hurdles we faced, leaving the hospital empty handed. We had so many hopes and dreams for Madison, and they never made it out of there. Coming home to an empty nursery, which I spent months preparing, was life altering. I remember dropping to the floor, thinking I would never get up. But with the strength of Madison in heaven, and my husband here on earth with me, we got through that moment, and are getting through every day together as a family.

She is the biggest blessing we had ever received and the biggest miracle we ever witnessed. Every day that passes we get further from our time together, but closer to when we will be with her again. Not a second that goes by of every minute of every hour of every day that we don’t think about her. We spend each day remembering her, honoring her, and visiting her resting place.

It’s so strange how loss and grief can change the way you see the world. It’s been 4 months since we said goodbye, and while I’m still mad that we have to endure so much pain when wanting to start a family, losing Madison has really changed my outlook on the world. I’ve learned to be appreciative for so much. Madison wasn’t planned, and as over-the-moon we were to be her parents, we now know the struggle some parents go through to conceive. Some people look at Madison as a tragedy, but we look at her as a miracle. We are so proud to be her parents. We also received an outpouring amount of support from our family, friends and community, and we have found comfort in speaking with other families who have gone through similar loss, giving us hope that things will get easier, and there will be brighter days ahead. For all this, I am thankful.

I want to thank you for this mention, and the awareness for child loss you have created. Our thoughts and prayers are with other beautiful families as well, as we all continue to heal. Madison, along with all children who were too beautiful for earth, are with us every day, and will continue to shine through us, helping us during these waves of grief.