Stories from fellow loss Mom’s – Davinna’s Story
I am so truly honored to be sharing this beautiful Mother’s story. Davinna reached out to me a few months ago and we connected right away. After a few weeks of communication Davinna shared with me something that changed how I viewed my blog. She told me that she had been following our story since we lost Averie, way before she was even pregnant with her angel Lucy.
In her words she said “I hope you know that you and Averie were helping prepare me for the loss I would go through. Looking back on it now, I’m sure Lucy knew Averie and knew I would need all the help I can get to make it through this.” Those words broke my heart but at the same time gave me great pride. I started my blog to help other’s that found themselves on this horrible path, never thinking I would be helping prepare someone for their loss to come. Davinna is such an amazing person and I am so grateful to now call her a friend.
Angel baby’s name- Lucy Ever
Type of loss- Stillbirth at 30 Weeks after a Placental Abruption
Home state- Utah
Best advice you’ve received- “There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. You handle this how ever you need to” and “You are a walking miracle. Be patient with yourself.”
Favorite place you’ve ever visited- CanCun, my husband and I went there for our honeymoon and it’s the only time I’ve been out of the United States.
Biggest accomplishment- Giving birth to my kids and being a mother.
Ways you honor your angel- We donate baby blankets to our bereavement specialist to give to other couples that have stillborn babies, we held a blood drive that had a record turn out in an effort to give back. Our older kids remember to include Lucy in all their prayers, we decorate Lucy’s grave for all holidays and special occasions and visit her grave weekly, and we’ve told our story to so many people publicly in hopes of helping someone else that might be going through the same thing. Our situation has now become part of a training for nurses and doctors also.
Describe yourself in 4 words- Wife, Mother, Faithful, Fearless
What food you’ve never tried and why- Lamb, I’ve heard it’s awful.
What inspires you- My Husband and Children. They make me want to be a better person and they give me the strength I need to continue recovering physically and emotionally.
On January 23rd, 2017, at 30 weeks pregnant my placenta abrupted and began to hemorrhage behind it’s self. We later found out that the placenta had been hemorrhaging behind itself for most of the pregnancy. There were no signs of bleeding, but I started having very mild contractions on the 23rd. Lucy was still moving fine, but I thought it was pre term labor, so we headed straight to the hospital. On our way, my placenta completely abrupted causing the worst pain. I couldn’t feel our baby girl move anymore and my stomach began turning purple since it was filling up with blood. When we got to labor and delivery it was confirmed that our baby had passed away. My husband and I were devastated to say the least, and we didn’t realize the battle that we had ahead of us. At that time we still didn’t know what was going on with me. A maternal fetal medicine doctor started running some tests to see why our baby had passed away and to see why my heart rate was 130 but my blood pressure was 90/50. During these tests it was confirmed that I was bleeding internally and that my body had gone into D.I.C. This no longer was a situation of just grieving the passing of our baby, but now was a fight for my own life. My team of doctors and nurses performed a mass blood transfusion during the 36 hours I was in labor and I received 40 units of blood products.
After delivery I was transferred to the ICU and I stayed in the hospital for 6 days. My husband never left my side and the staff was so great to work around him so he could be right next to me holding my hand. The worst part of the whole experience wasn’t almost dying or being in tons of pain as my body shut down from lack of blood and oxygen, but it was the heart shattering silence that filled the room when our daughter was born. No newborn screams and cries like we heard with our other three kids, it was just silent.
For two hours after delivery, my doctors worked to get the bleeding to stop. I just stared at our perfect baby girl during all of this. There was such a special spirit around us, and I couldn’t believe how perfect she was. The nurses had warned us that she wouldn’t have hair because she was so early and that she might be really red. But instead, she came out perfectly colored with a head full of dark hair. Lucy was born sleeping on January 24th at 2:16am weighing 2lbs. 15oz. and was 16 inches long. She was just too perfect for earth. She’s so beautiful and I love looking at all the pictures our bereavement specialist took for us. I’m so grateful for all the time my husband and I were able to spend with her. Holding her is my favorite memory. The hospital staff were so sweet to let us have as much time as we wanted and they let me take her to the ICU floor also. My husband gave her a beautiful baby blessing. She was dressed in a beautiful white dress that was made and donated to the Labor and Delivery for stillborn babies. We have it in a shadow box now. The nurses and doctors were amazing, not only in saving my life but they were also so supportive and comforting to us after the passing of our baby.
It’s so hard to describe, but the entire pregnancy I had promptings that our baby girl was going to pass away. Even though I had this gut feeling the whole time, I wasn’t prepared for the time stopping pain that would come with the passing of our baby girl. Telling our older kids that their baby sister had passed away was the hardest thing we ever had to do. But they’ve been so resilient and strong and love Lucy so much. They talk about her all the time and really put things into an eternal perspective for me. They had nicknamed her Baby Lucy while I was pregnant, so that is why we chose that name for her after she was born. Ever means Angel on the other side so we felt like that was fitting since she is watching over us. Our kids loved holding Lucy, kissing her forehead and touching her hands and feet the night before her funeral when we were getting her dressed at the funeral home. They love the pictures they have of themselves holding her. They each have a picture of those moments on their dressers in their rooms.
Lucy was dressed and buried in a long white gown that was made out of a wedding dress. A group of women take donated wedding dresses and make gowns for stillborn baby girls in our state. We’re beyond thankful for all the sweet people who take the time to donate items for parents of stillborn babies. We received so many items in a keepsake box. We cherish the tangible things that help us remember our angel.
My husband and I feel so grateful to be parents to our four sweet kids. We’re grateful we have our three kids here to make us laugh on our dark days, and we’re so honored to be the parents of our perfect angel baby in Heaven. We’re grateful I’m still here with my family. The only way I feel like I can keep my heart from being consumed with grief is to fill it with gratitude. It’s a long recovery from everything I went through physically and emotionally, but we hope by sharing our story, others will know they are not alone. I love the quote that says, “the darker the storm, the brighter the rainbow.” We know we have angels around us. I’m grateful to my Savior for all the miracles we’ve experienced and look forward to the blessings that lie ahead.