Stories from fellow loss Mom’s – Amanda’s Story
I am honored once again to be sharing the story of another fellow beautiful loss Momma. Though each time I share a story it breaks my heart that much more, I hope someone can read her words and find some comfort or validation from them.
Name – Amanda
Angel baby- Josiah David
Type of loss- Stillborn at 40 weeks and 2 days after a normal, healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy
Home state- Minnesota
Best advice you’ve received- Don’t ever be worried about making someone feel uncomfortable by talking about my grief or my son. He lived. He mattered. He had a purpose. He will forever be missed and loved.
Favorite place you’ve ever visited- I love the Riviera Maya, Mexico. The beaches are beautiful, the sunshine feels good in my soul and the people are so friendly!
Biggest accomplishment- Becoming a mother! I have a wonderful 4 year old, a sweet angel and a delightful rainbow baby who is almost 7 months old!
Ways you honor your angel- After we lost him, so many people were reaching out and wanted to find a way to help us. We kept getting cards with money. We didn’t want money, that wasn’t going to bring our son back. What we did want was a way to preserve his memory and help bring happiness to others. So we took all the money that was sent to us in card and started raising money to fix up a local baseball field. After some very generous donations, we were able to work with the city to not only fix up the field but now it’s forever named “Josiah’s Field”. We also talk about him often with our oldest son. We celebrate his birthday every year with a balloon release and donate a basket full of things we found helpful during our early grief to the OB department where he was born to be passed on to another family with a similar situation.
Describe yourself in 4 words- Totally dependent on God
What food you’ve never tried and why- I don’t like the smell of fish… though I’ve tried fish, I won’t try any other form of seafood because of the smell!
What inspires you- A very special bible verse… it has gotten me through some of the darkest hours. “The pain that you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the Joy that’s coming” Romans 8:18
We had an uneventful, “normal” pregnancy. I’d felt great the entire time, and our sweet baby was growing just as he should. The day our world came crashing down around us was at a routine 40 week appointment. It was time to hear our baby’s heartbeat, but one couldn’t be found. We were in panic, and pure shock. I’d just fallen asleep the night before to our precious baby hiccuping, how could his heart have stopped?! I was induced and after a 15 hour labor, delivered a beautiful 10 lbs 4 oz baby boy. He was 24 inches long with blue eyes just like his big brother, Jonah. He had adorable chubby cheeks and the sweetest red lips. He was perfect and he was so very loved. There is nothing that can prepare you for the loss of your child you’re so anxiously preparing for. It was excruciating watching our 2 year old son come running in the room yelling “Hey! That’s my brudder! Oh he is so cute!” Fighting back my tears we explained how he needed to love on his brother as much as he could now, because after today, Josiah was going to live in heaven. The feeling of watching your beautiful baby boy leave your hospital room with a funeral director, instead of home with you in his carseat? Indescribable, heart wrenching pain.
Our sweet Josiah was born May 19, 2015. After tests and a trip to see a specialist we were told that we fall into the less than 1% category where there is no cause. The past 2 years have been filled with more heartache and sorrow than I would’ve ever imagined I’d experience, but I’ve grown so much as a person, as a parent, and in my faith. I’ve learned that no matter how much we want to be, we are not in control. It’s still hard to accept sometimes, but knowing that God has a plan for us has gotten me through some of my darkest hours. “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8.