Stories from fellow loss Mom’s – Katelyn’s Story
This beautiful Momma reached out to me months ago about sharing her story and I couldn’t be more honored to share her and Lane, her sweet boy. I’ve seen so many loss Mom’s do so many amazing things for other’s amidst their our grief, and Katelyn is no exception. Make sure and check out the organization she started in honor of Lane and be sure to like them on Facebook HERE.
Name: Katelyn Honeycutt
Angel baby: Lane Austin Honeycutt
Type of Loss: Concealed Placental Abruption 33+4 weeks
Home state: Oklahoma
Best advice you’ve recieved: Feel the pain
Favorite place you’ve visited: Colorado
Biggest accomplishment: Starting Lane of Love
Ways you honor your angel: Donating care packages to local hospitals for moms of loss with a letter from me letting them know they are not alone. Also donating preemie sleepers, hats and blankets for babies 4-6 pounds. We didn’t expect it to be Lane’s birthday when we went to the hospital so we had nothing for him. My family scattered to try and find things for him but finding preemie size is hard. I wanted my family there to soak him in and cry with me but I also wanted special things for Lane. I don’t want any other mom to have to make that kind of decision so I want to make sure there are items there her babies size to pick from.
4 words that describe you: soft hearted, creative, Christian, helpful
Food you’ve never tried and why: snake…just haven’t had a chance.
What inspires you: My own pain, it pushes me to help others.
The Day I Learned the Deepest Kind of Pain
When they scanned over his little chest and I asked if there was a heartbeat I never dreamed I’d be told “No, I’m so sorry, there’s not.”. In that moment my world came crashing down. To know I would soon be holding my baby who’d never cry. The same baby I’d felt moving just a few hours before. And then to think I’d have to tell my baby goodbye and know I’d never see him again for my entire life. I couldn’t help but to feel I was to blame, no matter what everyone told me it didn’t take away the pain. They told us they were giving us time but I was ready to meet my baby and kiss his little face. They wheeled me to a delivery room where they had to look again. I knew what they would see but I prayed with every part of me that they were wrong and we’d see that tiny flicker again. The doctor told us he was sorry and none of this was fair. He said he’d try to keep me in as little pain as possible but I really didn’t care. They tried to place an epidural but it didn’t go right. Soon I stopped remembering to breathe and to me that seemed alright, I was no longer supporting my baby’s life. I heard my husband calling me back to him, telling me to breathe, and my head started to spin. “I have two other babies that need me just the same, but how can my heart keep beating when I can’t keep Lane?” The doctor said he didn’t want to break my water so it would be a little more kind but with none of the pain meds working I knew that it was time. With my water broken my pain started to climb. I gripped the side of the bed as hard as possible trying not to yell but I was in a living Hell. What seemed like a few minutes passed, I knew it would happen fast, it was time to push and see his face at last. It had been two hours and five minutes from beginning to end and just like that there he was, my perfect little Lane. As he was placed on my chest I was over come with joy but it only lasted a second because tears started to fill my eyes. I realized the cruel reality, I would never hear him cry. I had lost a lot of blood but no one could tell until it spilled onto the floor. The doctor called for an ultrasound to see what was going wrong and was able to stop the bleeding before long. He told me I was lucky in the sense that we’d still be able to try again, all of this could’ve had a very different end. A few minutes later I handed Lane to his dad. I had to get dressed, I had to give my baby a bath. I washed him just like normal he was just my baby to me and I was ready for all my family to see. Everyone gathered around with tear filled eyes and all I could think is “they are seeing an angel for the very first time.”. After many hugs and kisses we were moved to a different room. I was told I could keep Lane as long as I wanted to so I settled in for the night. I snuggled him close and tried get some rest but woke often just to see him still laying by my side. It seems like those two days just flew by. I knew with each hour that passed it was closer to time to say goodbye. As Sunday morning came all I could do was cry. They had finally given me enough blood so I could go but that meant it was time to call the funeral home. A nice man came and let me carry my baby until we had to part. I didn’t realize then but that’s when I lost part of my heart. I didn’t know I’d never see my baby again, at least not the same. I gave him a thousand kisses, smelled his sweet hair, told him I loved him and as my chest began to ache I whispered goodbye to Lane.