A little update 

I’ve been a little silent again, but I feel like I’ve had good reason to. Zach and I were fortunate enough to be able to make the move back to our home state of Utah just recently.

As happy as I am to have Isabella closer to her grandparents and her many aunts, uncles and cousins, I would be lying to say that leaving New York was an easy thing to do. 

In my messed up loss Mom mind, a part of me has felt like we left Averie behind. Why leave the only place our little girl was once alive? It seems cruel to do and my emotions have been all over the place. 

New York was good to us. That’s where Zach and I started our little family. Both my girls were brought into this crazy world there. Our earliest memories of Isabella are there and our only memories of our sweet Averie are there. 

I feel so lucky to have met some of our closest friends while in New York and I will always consider them our second family. 

My hope by being here is that Isabella will be able to develop and grow relationships with our family. I feel like I owe that not to just her but also to them. Because deep down I know that not just Zach and I lost out on watching Averie grow, our loved ones did too. If I can give them the ability to watch Izzy grow up, I will. 

I loved the east coast but this is our journey now. I may not be prepared for it but when are we ever? 

Goodbye New York hello Utah. 

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2 Comments

  1. lonimarie2016

    October 6, 2017 at 2:49 am

    I appreciate your honesty. We are getting ready to move ourselves, and I hadn’t thought about how this was the home where our little Wyatt had his beautiful nursery. Where will my memories reside? Just within, I suppose. Many blessings to you all– P.S. There are wonderful folks in Utah!

    1. Crystal

      October 6, 2017 at 9:27 pm

      You are so right, our memories of our babies will have to live within. I didn’t realize the emotions moving would bring up but I think that’s how this grief works. You never know what will trigger emotions. Good luck with your move. I hope it’s gentle to you xx

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