Emotions

A letter to Averie

To my beautiful daughter, 

It has been almost 9 months since you’ve been gone. 9 long months since I looked into your beautiful blue eyes, held you in my arms and kissed your little nose. I still wake up each day hoping this has been one long nightmare and that I will still find you kicking and tossing in my belly. I can’t tell you enough how much I miss those moments. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. I wonder what you would have been like, what your first word would have been, when you would have taken your first steps. I try to picture what a beautiful young lady you would have grown into. How proud we would have been of you and how tightly wrapped Daddy would have been around your finger. 

I want you to know how much happiness you brought me last year this time when Daddy was in Afghanistan. Without you little one, our separation would have been much harder. Having you growing inside of me was having a little peice of Daddy with me all the time. Looking forward to your kicks every morning and the anticipation of seeing you on the ultrasounds brought me so much joy and kept me motivated. It was ultimately what got me through each day. 

Now that you are gone I can feel and see you everywhere. From the beautiful sunsets to the vibrant fall leaves to the lady bug that lands on our door.  There are moments of mindfulness, when I take each second in as it comes, that’s when I feel you the most. Hugging your Daddy is when I feel you the strongest. Sometimes I don’t want to let go. I long for your little cries to break the silence of the night and would do anything to rock and sing you to sleep. I would give anything to have you here.

I want you to know that Daddy and I wanted you more then anything in the world. There were moments in my life that I never thought I would become a mother, that it would not happen for me. Not only did I get the chance to be a Mother I am your Mother. A mother of a beautiful perfect angel that has touched so many lives. I could not be more proud.

I cannot explain in words how much I love you. If I tried to, I would say, I love you so much that if my love for you had physical strength it would move mountains. Losing you has left a scar on my soul. It has changed me into a different person and stolen my innocence. Time will go on I will never be the person I was but I will always continue to miss and long for you. 
I love you my beautiful girl. Until I hold you again watch down on me and Daddy. Our little angel Averie. 

xoxoxoxoxo, 

Your Mother    

 

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7 thoughts on “A letter to Averie

  1. Oh Crystal I love this post 😥 I know she looks down on you both every single day! I miss her so so much and miss you! I am here for you more than you know! I love you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t help but cry every time I read your blog. From one mommy to another I can only imagine the heartache. She will forever be your sweet little angel. Watching over you and Zach. You are an amazing mommy!! You are touching lives with your story and will continue to do so. I love you hun!

    Liked by 1 person

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