A few days before Easter, Zach started noticing I was acting weird. I was acting weird. It had been a few days since I was considered “late” for my cycle and I didn’t want to say anything to him about it because I knew his first response would be to take a pregnancy test. Avoiding what could potentially be a negative test and another blow emotionally I internalized it and avoided the conversation with him. Unfortunately he can read me like a book. I explained to him I was late and that to just let me go a few more days before I take a test. He was fine about it even though I know he secretly wished I would just take a test at that moment and get it over with. What’s a few more days?? Well a few days to me was more or less a confirmation that the possibility of it turning out positive would be a lot higher. I wanted as much evidence as I could get before jumping the gun and breaking my heart and dashing my hopes…and his. I have always been in tune with my body and so to be late was not like me. The truth behind that scared me because as much as I hoped to become pregnant was I truly ready to do this emotionally again? It had been a little over a year since Averie had left us and I was finally reaching a place where I could go days without crying and looking at her beautiful face made me smile instead of cry in pain. I was making improvements but was I truly ready? A few days went by and aunt flow was nowhere to be seen. At this point it was unavoidable I had made a promise to him and he would bug me until I I did it. We had a few clear blue digital tests left so fulfilling my part of the agreement I handed the test to Zach and he walked into the other room while I cleaned up. Those tests are nerve racking since it takes minutes before a result pops up and I didn’t have it in me to watch it. I remember my heart thumping loudly in my chest as I told myself while taking a deep breath “whatever happens is supposed to happen”. Months earlier I had left the timing of having another child up to the universe . Knowing it would happen at just the right moment for us. From the front room where Zach had been pacing with the pregnancy test I heard a loud gasp. Walking into the hallway I asked loudly “what!?” He walked around the corner with a smile on his face, and flashed the screen of the test to me. It read “Pregnant”. The emotions automatically hit me like a wave and I started to sob uncontrollably. Zach pulled me in and we embraced each other tightly. We continued to hold each other in the hallway of our little rental, where just 13 months prior the only tears shed were those of dissapair and grief. A new light was upon us now, a rainbow if you will, of hope 🌈.