Lately I had been experiencing this dark feeling that I haven’t been able to shake. Usually if I’m feeling off I can meditate and it clears it right up and I instantly feel peace. This unfortunately wasn’t going away. Only until I talked to a very dear friend of mine (you know who you are) that I was able to pinpoint what it was. I’ve been trying so hard to not be a trigger to my fellow loss Moms that I have created this distance between me and this precious baby growing inside of me. Almost like I’ve felt like I needed to hide it for fear of hurting someone else. I know whole heartedly know how it feels to be hurting for the baby you lost while seeing or hearing about other pregnant women. It would break my heart and send me into a spiral of emotions. In no way do I want to contribute to someone’s pain in that way. I write that in the most genuine way that I know how. But I know that this little baby needs to be celebrated just as much as anything and my fear of doing that has not set well with me. She, as much as Averie, is a part of this whole process of living after a loss. I have so many emotions surrounding this pregnancy as I do regarding losing Averie and not being able to express them because of fear has not been easy for me. I want to point out that in no way has anyone told me I shouldn’t talk about things I have chosen to do that myself. Out of respect for my other loss Moms, the posts from here on out I will mention when something could be a trigger so if any of you are not comfortable with it you can stop reading if choose and I’ll completely understand.
I am lucky to be a part of this loss community. A community that despite the pain we have all gone through to be a part of it, uplifts each other and supports one another. I have the utmost respect for all my fellow loss Moms ❤️❤️