Oh grief, you are such a fickle thing. Here today and barely there tomorrow. Creeping up on me when I least expect it. My emotions have been getting the better of me again. It may be the fact that we’ve started yet another year without Averie or that we are getting increasingly close to her birthday. Her 2nd birthday. How has it been that long? Some days it seems like so long ago and others it feels as fresh as yesterday.
Earlier Zach and I were talking about our beautiful girls and how much they look alike. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my pictures and landed on the only video we have of our sweet little angel. I started playing it and turned it around to show Zach the resemblance. I looked back at him and saw his face and just started to cry. I think I surprised him with the video and I know it’s been a long time since he’d seen it. I managed to mumble something about wishing we had taken more video of her and then proceeded to tell Zach how sorry I was. Sorry for showing him or maybe surprising him with such an emotional thing. I held on to Isabella as I cried, and just kept kissing her, rocking her back and forth as I stroked her hair. We sat in silence for a little bit and then Zach turned to me and sweetly smiled.
I’m not one for New Years resolutions but I’ve thought if I’m going to commit to anything this year I want to continue being mindful. I’ve realized that life passes us by so quickly, never giving us a break. When you are given precious moments you cannot take even a second for granted. I wish everyday that I could go back and have just one more day, hour, minute or second with Averie. Because I can’t do that, I’ll make sure I don’t miss another moment from here on out.