Emotions · Life · motherhood

Part of your world

Isabella was a little fussy today. I think her tummy was on the fritz. She’s always seems to calm down when I sing to her so I sat her up in front of me and started to sing.

“Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat?
Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?
Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl,
The girl who has everything?”

She sat looking me directly in the eyes, not whining, just listening and watching intently. Her wide beautiful eyes listening to every word.

“Look at this trove, treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Lookin’ around here you’d think
Sure, she’s got everything”

And then the emotions came up, and the tears accompanied them. My thoughts went to a million places in just a few minutes. I thought of being a young girl loving this movie, loving the songs and always singing them. Never knowing the pain I would go through later on in life. How thankful I was to be able to sing to my beautiful baby girl now, but so very sad that I couldn’t sing to my other beautiful girl. I kept singing through the tears as Isabella continued to watch me, my voice shaking. I picked her up and kissed her on her little nose and held her closely.

There are so many beautiful things in my life that happen but always with an underlying sadness. When you lose a child those happy moments are most always followed by the reality that that child isn’t there to join in on the happiness. I am beyond thankful for the chance to raise Isabella. To sing to her, and to love her unconditionally for the rest of my life. And when I’m done with my time here, I hope to find Averie wherever she is, and sing to her.

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